


Freshman, Food Poisoning, and Failure

by alifletcher2010



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-03-27 08:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13876896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alifletcher2010/pseuds/alifletcher2010
Summary: TAing for a freshman general ed class is hard. Getting along is even harderAka...the TA AU no one asked for but you’re getting anyway





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will most likely be a two parter. I have most of the second half written, I’m just in a bit of a slump right now (I’m blaming the weather) so I’m hoping posting this gives me the motivation to wrap it up. Not the first rebelcaptian fic I’ve written, but definitely the first I’m posting. Putting myself out there and all that. Anyway, enjoy!

Cassian Andor was an ass.

He also had a nice ass.

But he was still, undoubtedly, an ass.

Of course Jyn Erso, would never admit out loud that she found her co-worker cute. It would ruin the whole “don’t talk to me or I’ll punch you” vibe she had going to admit that she actually enjoyed the company of other people. Well other people outside of Bohdi and Leia that is. Right now though, all thoughts of Cassian’s perfectly formed rear were the last thing on her mind as he was being purposefully aggravating.

“Casssssssian, please let me switch me your section for the 1pm class! At least for this batch of essays!!!”

“No! Don’t you ever work Erso?” Cassian didn’t even bother looking up from his work to acknowledge her.

“Yes! And that’s besides the point. Just let me grade yours. Pleaseeee!”

“Not gonna happen Jyn!”

Jyn and Cassian were holed up in the closet that passed for the Intro to Pysch teaching assistant’s office. It was technically office hours, but because the class was predominantly freshman not a single student was smart enough to take advantage of the hours. So they were making the best use of their free time by grading the latest batch of essays.

Well, one of them was. Jyn was slouched as low in her chair as she could possibly get without spilling out onto the floor. Cassian was obviously being much more productive than her and was dutifully hunched over his part of essays. Jyn couldn’t help but notice that his dark hair was getting long and the fringe was getting eyes. She was never sure if she wanted to cut if off or run her fingers through it. Add the scruff along his jaw and the plaid shirt and he could’ve had the scruffy lumberjack thing going for him. But his lean frame and the glasses tucked in his pocket ruined the image. Every girl in the class had a crush on him and even some of the boys. So yeah, Jyn was never going to condescend to the level of freshman by admitting she thought Cassian was cute. Even though she totally did.

“Come on, Andor,” she kicked his chair to get his attention. He didn’t even budge. “You know your section has mucccchhh easier essays to grade. And I swear if I have to read one more of Solo’s sexist, misogynistic pieces of drivel, I will be physically sick. On you.”

“Jyn, I have seen you eat the slop they sell in the cafeteria without flinching. You have a stomach of steel. So, I think I’ll take my chances.” Cassian pushed her chair, sending it twirling across the room. Jyn had to scoot back over to him in a very undignified manner in order continue pestering him.

“You just want to give that one hot blonde in your section an A so you can get into her pants. New flash Andor, she has like four brain cells, I’m pretty sure you could fail her and still get into her pants.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Erso.”

“You know, the one that was in here the other day whose chest was literally falling out of her shirt and kept bending over in front of you. She was all like (Jyn mimicked an airy preppy voice) “Oh Cassian, I don’t understand Freud’s stages of psychosexual development, would you show it to me?” (Jyn’s voice returned to normal) And then practically sat in your lap.”

“You sound jealous Erso,” Cassian finally looked up from his work and smirked at her.

Fighting the sudden urge to punch him in the face, Jyn bit back “ Eww, no. It’s just hard to forget that ridiculously obnoxious voice”

“Whatever you say,” Cassian returned to his work. Jyn was not about to let him get off that easy though. She kicked his chair to get his attention again. He huffed and turned and gave her and exasperated look.

“Seriously, Cassian, if I have to read Solo’s essay, I will keel over and die right here. And you really don’t want my death on your conscience do you?”

“I dunno,” he said, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “I could probably get a lot more work done.”

“Yeah, but then you’d have to grade alllll the essays. Plus you’d have a dead body on your hands.”

“Fair point. Fine, I’ll grade your essays.”

“You’re a saint Cass-“

He cut her off, “But you have to grade mine AND do the test review.”

Jyn considered is for a moment “Fine”

“Great. Now can you focus and stop bugging me so I can get some work done?”

Jyn smirked at him. “Nope. Office hours end in like 30 seconds, so I’m out. Going to risk the caf”

Cassian rolled his eyes at her. “Whatever.”

“You’re welcome to join you know.”

“The day I want food poisoning will be the day I join you in the caf,” he said.

Jyn shrugged as she gathered her things and made to leave the office. “Your loss!” she said and then slammed the door to the office shut just because she knew it would annoy him.

///

After a barely digestable dinner, Jyn trudged home. All she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and pretend her work didn’t exist, but while Cassian’s essays would be easier than hers (since somehow every airhead wound up in his section), they were still essays and they’d take her most of the next two days to grade. And if she took longer than 48 hours to grade them she’d have a horde of entitled students on her hands demanding their grades. Damn freshmen.

She didn’t know why she kept TAing half the time. As a senior, Jyn was itching to be done with her undergrad. She had just a few months till she graduated. But if she wanted to get into the Social Work grad program she needed good letters of recommendation. And to get those she needed good relationships with professors and professionals. And Professor Draven was a highly well-known and respected name in the field. So TAing for him was an almost guaranteed perfect letter of recommendation.

If the stupid students didn’t kill her before the end of the year that is.

Jyn unlocked the door to her apartment and unceremoniously dumped her belongings in the entryway. As she made her way into the apartment her nose was assaulted by a horrific smell. Apparently her roommate, Leia, had been cooking again.

“Hey!! So don’t be afraid of the smell...but I made Stromboli! You have to tell me how it tastes!” a voice called from kitchen.

  
All the years of playing poker with her adopted father and his mates had never prepared her for living with one Leia Organa. Jyn loved Leia like the sister, but the girl was the reason she braved the food in the dining hall everyday. She pasted a smile to her face and made her way into the kitchen and barely even flinched when she saw the state of the kitchen. The windows had been thrown open to vent the still smokey room and there was what appeared to be a blackened brick on the baking sheet.

“Smells great! But I already at the caf,” said Jyn with what she hoped was at least a passive look on her face. Though with the smell Jyn was certain it came off as a grimace.

Naturally Leia saw right through her. “You’re full of it Erso. I give up!” She exclaimed as dramatically threw herself into a chair at the table.

  
Jyn joined her at table “Idk why you even feel the need to be a good cook. In like fifteen years you’ll be the youngest president ever and have a private chef anyway.”

“I’m a woman, duh. If it ever gets out that I can’t cook every male politician in existence will use it as an example of my incompetence and no one will ever trust me to get things done!”

Leia, who had intense political aspirations, had been Jyn’s freshman roommate. Her petite stature and beauty hid her nearly genius level intelligence and shrewd ability to read people. If Jyn didn’t love her so much, she probably would’ve hated her.

“You’re catastrophizing. I’m pretty sure not one of any of your presidents could cook. Just tell everyone you’re following tradition!” Jyn said sarcastically.

“I’m not sure that’ll work Jyn,” Leia said sourly. “Well I know a lost cause when I see one. I’m getting Chinese. You want anything, Miss I Ate At the Caf?”

“How about some wontons?” Jyn said in a mock sweet voice.

Using her uncanny ability to turn a conversation and leave other person reeling, Leia said “I’ll get you wontons if you tell me how office hours went with C-ass-ian?” heavily emphasizing the ass in Cassian.

Jyn groaned. “Ugh, I know I never should have told you I thought he was cute. It was fine. He agreed to switch essays.”

“Honestly you guys are so boring. You’re trapped with this hot guy for like half the day in a tiny office and nothing happens between you? Come one, you need to have some noncommittal making out or something. You’d probably get along much better. And be less of a bear to live with.”

“I am not a bear!” Jyn protested, ignoring the rest of Lela’s statement.

“Ehh, you are sometimes” Leia said with a smirk. Jyn ignored that comment too, and continued talking.

“And I would never kiss him. No matter how hot he is. He’s literally the worst. I swear he worships the ground Draven walks on. It’s incredibly aggravating. Plus, it’s not a good idea for be to try being friends with my co-workers. People can’t stand working with me, because apparently I’m too aggressive, which from what I can gather means I actually stand up for myself. I’m not going to force my company on others outside of work too.”

“I’m just saying...you’re stuck with him for awhile. The least you can do is try get to know him. It at least would mean a lot less complaining I’d have to hear.”

“I super hate you sometimes” said Jyn

“No you don’t, but seriously. Try getting along with him. It’ll make the year go by faster and be more enjoyable. For the both of us. At least invite him to Bohdi’s Halloween party.”

“I still say it’s a bad idea, but I’ll think about. But seriously, you’d better get me some egg rolls too!”

///

The next day, Jyn reluctantly was still thinking about it. She would never tell Leia, but the girl had a point. She might actually look forward to office hours if she and Cassian got on better. But if she was being totally realistic, outside of her obvious inability to form relationships, Cassian would probably not be too enthralled about her attempts at friendship anyway. He was a few years older than her and was a PhD student working under Draven. When they first met, she had asked him how a PhD candidate wound up a TA for a general ed class and he had been incredibly defensive about it. They hadn’t really talked much since then, just enough to get by. Though Jyn really hadn’t tried to get to know him more.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she entered the classroom by a loud stream of swearing in Spanish. As early as she tried to be to the 9am class, Cassian always beat her there. He would usually have Draven’s presentation up and running before she walked the door. Whereas if she was having a good day, she was lucky to get there before the first overachievers arrived.

Today though, instead of a PowerPoint, the screen showed an error message about a missing drive and Cassian was frantically banging on the computer to get it to cooperate.  
“Hijo de perra!” exclaimed Cassian as he kicked the podium he was standing behind. After his out of character emotional outburst, he seemed to accept defeat and his head dropped to his hands. Jyn could still hear him swearing under his breath.

Unsure if she would be on the receiving end of his frustrations, Jyn tentatively made her way to the front of the class.

“Hey? Everything ok?” as she came up beside him.

Cassian looked up at her and flushed. He had deep bags under his eyes and his normally put together clothes were a bit rumpled. He looked like he had been hit by a truck. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he said in a clipped tone. “It’s really not that big of a deal. It’s just the computer wouldn’t read my flash drive and now it’s frozen and I’m supposed to teach today since Draven woke up sick and nothing's going right and OIT won’t answer the stupid phone and I didn’t bring my laptop…”

It was either a need to stop him rambling or her long-suppressed maternal instincts, but Jyn found herself reaching out and placing a comforting hand on Cassian’s shoulder. “Hey, let me have a look at it.” She put down her bag and knelt to pull the graded essays out. Handing them to Cassian, she said “We can stall by handing out the essays at the beginning of class. Give me the presentation and I’ll get it pulled up.”

Cassian’s gave her a skeptical look but still passed over the flash drive. “This had better work Erso.”

“Trust me,” she said and promptly turned to the computer and got to work. Students had started trickling into the classroom and she wouldn’t have a lot of time to force the computer into submission.

By the time Cassian had finished the announcements and handing out the essays, Jyn had found the corrupted driver, cleaned it up, and was just pulling up the presentation. Surprise momentarily flashed across Cassian’s face when he saw the slides on the display, but he recovered and went about teaching the class.

The class went by without any problems and Jyn spent the time catching up on her own homework assignments. At one point, when the students were doing some group discussion, Cassian tried to catch her eye, but she glanced away and looked down resolutely for the rest of the lecture. When the bell rang, she gathered her things quickly, and attempted to leave before Cassian could stop her.

Unfortunately, Jyn was stopped by a student with a question, and by the time she had sent him on his way, Cassian,was leaning against the door looking at his phone. Waiting for her.

“Sooo...you going to tell me what kind of witchcraft you worked on the computer?” he asked, looking up from his phone.

“It really wasn’t that big of a deal, Cassian. Any idiot with google could’ve figured it out.” Jyn deflected as she walked past him and through the door. Not accepting that answer, he followed her.

“Ok, not sure if I should be offended by that or not, because I’m apparently an idiot with google, and I still didn’t figure it out. Seriously, how did you know?”

Jyn, desperate for a conversation change, turned to him and asked “Are you doing anything for Halloween?”

Cassian stopped dead in his tracks “What?!”

“You know, Halloween? The sugar high holiday for little kids? The excuse for teenagers to dress as sluts? You know, this Saturday? Are you doing anything?”

“Uh...no?”

“Well you are now.” Jyn hadn’t really intended on asking him to come but she really didn’t want to get into the computer thing so she plowed on “My brother is throwing a Halloween party and you’re coming. Bring a date. Or don’t. But come. My roommate wants to meet you.”

“Umm ok, why?”

“Probably to make sure you’re not an axe murder” (Ok, that was a downright lie, Leia only wanted to see if he was as cute as Jyn had mentioned, but Cassian definitely didn’t need to know that.)

Cassian laughed, “I'll be there. Is it cool if I bring my roommate? He gets a little weird if I don’t get him out often.”

“Sure. Whatever. Just make sure he wears a costume. You too!”

“Ok, I’ll guess we’ll see you Saturday?”

“Yeah. Here,” she plucked his phone out of his hands and before she could think too much about it, she added her number to his contacts along with Bodhi’s address. “That’s the address and my number if you have any problems getting there. See you Saturday night.”

///

By Saturday Jyn was in a foul mood. Friday afternoon she had gotten an email from Draven about her work ethic and abrasiveness. Apparently, some of the students had taken fault with her and complained. He had even implied in his message that if she didn’t show an improvement by the end of the semester he would replace her for the next semester. And then of course, she got stood up on the date she had that evening (Honestly, she had no idea why Leia thought it was a good idea to keep setting her up on these things.) So consequently, she had woken up that morning depressed and sullen.

It didn’t help when she got a text message from Cassian letting her know he would still be coming to the party. Sure, he was attractive, but getting attached had never worked out well for Jyn and she was having serious second thoughts about having him come to Bodhi’s party.

“Hey, where is your costume ?” Bodhi asked, interrupting Jyn’s pity party. She was currently at his house “helping” set up. Which mostly meant sitting on his couch and making sure the alcohol wasn’t poisoned.

“You said I couldn’t come as Eddie Van Halen, so I got nothing.”

“Halloween is for getting completely smashed and random hook ups. How am I, your dear, loving older brother, supposed to get you laid when you’re dressed as a sweaty guitarist?”

“Whoa, whoa, don’t insult Eddie like that! Also, you’re my brother, aren’t you supposed to prevent me from getting laid?”

“Normally, yes, but in your case, I think it’ll do you some good. But it’ll never happen if you’re dressed like a man.”

“It will if he has really good taste in music!”

“Whatever, just go upstairs and hang out in my room. I’ll text Leia and have her think of something before she gets here.”

“Fineeeee…”

By the time Leia arrived, the party was starting to really get going. Jyn could hear the music and laughing through the floor. She was debating just going back downstairs and joining in costume or not, when Leia arrived, red faced and breathing hard. She threw a bag at the end of the bed and slammed the door.

“Finally!” Jyn jumped up from the bed where she was laying. “What took you so freaking long?”

“It’s not my fault that bastard is here!” Leia, who normally looked utterly pristine, had smeared lipstick and her wig was askew. She looked like she was supposed to be Cleopatra, but her kohl had been rubbed away on one side.

“What??”

“Han Solo! We hooked up at a party at the beginning of the year and he has been like stalking me ever since!”

Jyn nearly vomited. “Solo?!? Leia, he’s a freshman! I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

Leia shot Jyn a death glare and plopped down at Bodhi’s desk. She pulled a compact out of her purse and proceeded to put herself to rights.

“Jyn, I’m not gross. He’s like thirty, even though he acts like he’s twelve. He’s an old freshman. He apparently "pursued other enterprises" before going to college. Whatever. How do you know him?”

“He’s in one of sections I TA for with Cassian.”

“Speaking of which,” Leia said as she finished reapplying her eyeliner. “Is he here yet?”

“Not yet. At least he hasn’t said anything.” Of course, at this point her traitorous phone chose to chirp at her. Jyn attempted to keep Leia from reading the display over her shoulder, but with no luck.

  
**Cassian**  
_We’re walking up now._

  
“Ohhhhh!” Leia squealed. “He’s here! Let’s get you dressed fast!”

Leia pulled a bee costume out of the bag as well as some tape and a couple bottles of Gold Bond powder.

“Leia...what the hell am I supposed to be?”

“You’re a bee and itching powder...so a Bee-itch? A Bitch?”

Jyn gave Leia a murderous glare. “Very funny.”

“I thought so!” Leia laughed. “Granted, it’s probably going to be lost on everyone. It’s probably a little too clever. But who cares. They’ll all be too drunk to care. Plus it suits you.”

“Gee, thanks” Jyn grumbled. Her phone chirped again.

  
**Cassian**  
_Hey? Are you even here_?

  
Jyn hastily replied

_Yeah, give me two minutes and I’ll come find you_

**Cassian**  
_Ok. We’re over by the drinks_

  
“It’s going to have to do, Leia. Cassian is here and getting nervous. Help me get dressed.”

By the time Jyn made it downstairs , it had been nearly ten minutes. (Leia had insisted on putting make up on Jyn.) Jyn didn’t see Cassian by the drinks and was getting worried that he had left. But she finally spotted him in the game room standing against the back wall with a tall man, who had red hair peaking out from under a wig and wearing very disgruntled expression.

As she got closer, Jyn was able to get a good look at the pair’s costumes. Cassian was wearing slacks, a white button up shirt, and a tie. On his shirt he had three large black circles. Whereas as far as she could tell, his companion was Albert Einstein. Cassian finally saw Jyn approach and gave her a relieved smile.

“Hey, I’m glad you’re here,” he said.

“Sorry about that. I was helping Leia, my roommate, through a bit of a personal crisis.” (It was partially true.)

Cassian’s friend interrupted. “It was rude to invite us and not be here when we arrived.”

If Jyn hadn’t gotten started on her drinking before the party started, she probably would have punched the man. But she was feeling a little more mellow, so she just gave him a death glare which he matched.

Cassian, sensing some danger, jumped in “Sorry, Jyn. This is Kay. Kay, this is Jyn. He’s my roommate and he doesn’t have much of a filter.”

Jyn turned back to Cassian, not wanting to start the inevitability of her getting into a fight early, she asked “So...Three hole punch Jim?” She asked. Cassian gave her a sheepish grin and nodded. She turned to Kay and guessed “Einstein?”

“Why does everyone think I’m Einstein? I’m Frank Yates. He’s a famous statistician.”

Jyn gave Kay a sarcastic look and shrugged, “Maybe because most people don’t know who Frank what’s-his-bucket even is but they do know who Einstein is?”

“Frank Yates is infinitely better than Einstein. Who stole most of his work from his wife.” grumbled Kay.

Jyn rolled her eyes,“Ok, whatever.”

Kay turned back to Cassian who had been standing there watching the exchange, unsure as to whether or not he should interfere. “Cassian, I am going to get more punch before someone decides to spike it again. I suggest you join me as Jyn Erso does not seem to be an intellectual person and therefore not worth spending time with.”

At those words, Jyn’s mellowness evaporated instantly. Had it not been for Cassian grabbing her fist, she would have most certainly punched Kay in the face.

“Kay, you go ahead. I’m going to stay and hang out with Jyn for a bit.”

“That’s a bad idea Cassian,” said Kay, but he turned and walked away anyway.

After an awkward moment, Jyn realized Cassian was still holding her fist. She pulled her hand out of his grip and folded her arms across her chest.

“Some friend you have there,” she bit at Cassian.

“I’m sorry about him. I told you he doesn’t have much of a filter. Kay just says whatever happens to pop into his head. Just...just ignore him.”

“Oh yes, I’ll just do that. Because I really appreciate my intelligence being insulted. Why did you even bring him? Better yet, why did you even come? It’s not like we’re friends.” Jyn knew she was antagonizing him but after her tiff with Kay she was itching for a fight to release all the tension she felt flooding her body.

“Look, Jyn, I said I’m sorry. Let’s...let’s just start over. And try and have a nice time tonight? Ok? I’ll go get us some drinks,” Cassian said in hopes of mollifying her. Jyn just nodded and watched as he fought his way through the crowd.

Once he was gone, Jyn silently berated herself for her behavior. Sure, Kay was being a major dick, but she shouldn’t have overreacted. It was a classic move she made, get mad when one small thing went wrong and push people away, even if it wasn’t their fault. Especially if it wasn’t their fault.

By the time Cassian returned, she had calmed down and was embarrassed about her behavior.

“I’m sorr-“ but Cassian cut her off. He was wearing a very confused look on his face.

“Never mind that now,” he said, waving his hand, “Guess who I just saw making out with some girl.”

“Who?”

“Han Solo! That ass hat from the 1pm section. Isn’t he a freshman?”

“Ohhh! Yeah, but he’s like an old freshman. My roommate knows him apparently he’s like thirty?” Jyn had a horrible realization and gasped. “What, was he making out with a tiny Cleopatra?”

“Yep”

“Well, that would be my roommate, Leia. Obviously she’s making excellent life choices tonight.”

“Isn’t that what parties are for?” Cassian laughed.

“No,” said Jyn, “parties are a socially acceptable excuse to get utterly trashed and forget life for awhile. Speaking of which,” she added, looking around, “weren’t you getting drinks?”

“Oh, right,” said Cassian, holding up a bottle of tequila. “I saw no less than three different people spike the punch while I was in the kitchen. At this point I have no idea what’s in it. So I figured this would be better.”

“Nice,” Jyn snagged the bottle, and unstopped the lid and took a swig. Coughing, she said “I purpose a game. Every time we see someone making poor life choices, we take a swig. Last man standing wins.”

“I like your thinking Erso.” Cassian took the bottle from her and gave her a teasing grin. “Prepare to be slaughtered.”

“No way, I’m going to stomp you.” Jyn laughed. If she didn’t know better, she’d say Cassian was flirting.

“I’m Hispanic, Jyn. My blood is practically made of tequila. I’m immune.”

Jyn snorted. “Suuuurrrreee...in that case, I had my first shot of whiskey at thirteen. I’m pretty sure I can drink you under _and_ over the table.”

“Thirteen?,” Cassian nearly choked, “ Who raised you?”

“I had an unconventional upbringing. Meaning my adopted dad didn’t really care what I did. It’s a miracle I survived into adulthood.” Jyn spotted a guy very loudly talking on his phone. Grateful for the change of subject she said, “Look! At 4 o’clock, is that someone calling their ex?”

“Definitely. You know what that means right? Drink!” Cassian took a swig and then passed the bottle to Jyn.

While they scoured the crowds looking for their next victim, Cassian asked “What’s your favorite color?”

“Huh?” Jyn asked, turning to look at him. He had looked away from the crowds and was giving her a sweet smile that she didn’t want to admit made her stomach flip a little.

“Well”, he said “the party isn’t quite in full stupidity mode yet. So while we’re waiting for someone to make a questionable life choice, we might as well try and get to know each other. Ya know, since we work together and all?”

“Ohhh. Ok. Umm, believe it or not, yellow. I like how warm it is.” Cassian gave her a shocked look.

“Really? I would’ve guessed black or something.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Most people do. Probably to match my soul or something,” she laughed. “Anyway, what about you?”

Cassian's smile softened a little. Jyn might’ve even described the look as tender. “Green,” he said softly,

Their eyes met and he held her gaze for a few seconds. They only broke apart when they heard someone yell “Who wants to go skinny dipping in the hot tub?!?!!?!!”

Laughing, Jyn took and swig of the bottle and then passed it to Cassian. “That definitely counts as a poor life decision!”

“Agreed!”

After a beat, Jyn asked “What’s your favorite type of music?”

“Mostly soundtracks and rock, I guess. You?”

“I love 80s hair bands.” Cassian gave her a startled look.

“No way.”

“Way”

“Hold on,” he said grabbing her arm, “pleeeeease tell me you’re not one of those people who say they like hair bands just because they know how to play Stairway to Heaven on the guitar but nothing else.”

“No way. Cassian, my favorite thing to do growing up was going full on Gene Simmons Kiss and scaring Bodhi. I collect band t shirts and get them signed. I almost got arrested for semi stalking Steve Tyler. I even have an Eddie Van Halen costume I wear for Halloween. Complete with Frankenstrat. Seriously.”

“Seriously?!? That’s amazing! I wish you would’ve worn that!”

“Ugh me too. Van Halen is my favorite.”

“That’s so cool Jyn.Though I’m a bit more a Def Leppard guy myself.”

Jyn laughed, “I guess that’s acceptable. Ohhh look, someone is bring out the darts! Driiiiinnnnk!”

And they drank.

///

Nearly an hour later, Jyn was most certainly not drunk. Things were just a little blurry...and really, really funny.

“Cass...Cassian,” she choked out over a giggle, “look over there…” Jyn bent over and broke down into hysterical laughter.

“Oh no, please no.” Cassian saw what she was referring to and laughed too, patting her on the back. He yelled across the room, “Oh, man don’t!”

“Yep,” she laughed again “he’s going for it. He’s waaaay to drunk for a keg stand. Betcha ten bucks he falls.”

“I’m not that drunk Jyn, I’m not taking that bet” laughed Cassian

Sure enough, in the living room, a very tipsy vampire was attempting a keg stand. Before he even got one hand on the keg though, he toppled over and appeared to have passed out completely.

“You...you know what that means,” Jyn sputtered over her laughter. “Drrrriiiiink!” But when she lifted the bottle to her lips, she found it completely empty. “Ohhhh,” she pouted , “But we’re both still standing.”

Her comment was apparently hilarious, because Cassian broke down laughing. After a minute he gasped out, “Still...standing….good’un Jyn.”

Rolling her eyes Jyn started to make her way to the kitchen, which was a lot harder to do than she remembered it being. The stupid doorway just kept moving on her.

“Jynnnnnn….whadya doing?”

“I’m gettin some punch,” she slurred. “Then we’ll really know who can hold their liquor.” She tried to smirk at Cassian, but it came off all wrong as he just started laughing at her.

“You’re on Erso!”

By the time she finally stumbled into the kitchen, Jyn was really starting to question how drunk she was. Because she was very positive Albert Einstein was standing in Bodhi’s kitchen trying to keep people from drinking the punch.

“Jyn Erso,” a condescending voice drawled out.

“Ugggggh” Jyn groaned and put her hands to her head in frustration. “It’s you. I thought you left, May. Or Kay. Whatever your name is…” Jyn waved him aside and made for the punch. “I’m not nearly drunk enough to deal with you.”

“Kay.” He said and stepped in between her and the table. “I do not recommend drinking this. I have seen eight different varieties of alcohol poured into the bowl. I calculate that only 13% of the contents of this bowl are actually punch.”

“That little?” Jyn grumbled. “That’s not nearly enough alcohol. I better find some more to add.”

“Do not add more Jyn Erso. That would defeat the purpose of calling it punch. And make even more people sick.”

“And yet,” Jyn said in a fake sweet voice, stepping around Kay and grabbing a cup, “it still won’t be enough alcohol to make me forget this conversation.”

“It has become clear to me that your costume is a very accurate description of you. You are a bitch”

Jyn didn’t even turn around, just shrugged, and continued filling up cups for herself and Cassian. “I’ve been called worse. I'm just glad someone got the joke.”

“Cassian would agree with it too.” Jyn stilled and whirled around.

“What did you say?” She glared up at Kay.

“Cassian thinks you are a bitch too. He told me. He said you were aggressive and lazy and a pain to work with. He even complained to Draven about you.”

Jyn felt suddenly very sober. She knocked Kay out of the way, and stormed from the kitchen. Biting her tongue to keep herself from lashing out at the first person she came across, she stalked back to where Cassian was standing. Some part of her brain was telling her she needed to deal with this another time, when she was sober and less liable to punch someone but that voice was overwhelmed by the current of rage pounding through her veins.

She was visibly trembling when she reached Cassian. Rage silenced the buzz of the party and she left herself zero in on him. Before she could think twice about it, she pulled her fist back and pummeled it into Cassian’s face. The unhappy combination of consumed tequila and Jyn’s unexpected punch knocked him off his feet. Cassian curled in on himself and cradled his jaw. After a moment he turned and looked at Jyn in unbelief.

“Jyn!! What the fu-

Jyn cut him off “You need to leave! Now!”

Cassian attempted to get up but still unsteady from the alcohol slipped and landed on the floor again. He looked up at Jyn with a bewildered look. “What?!? What the hell is going on?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

“Huh? What are you even talking about?” Cassian finally pulled himself to his feet, only to have Jyn punch him again, sending him back down.

“You complained to Draven about me! And now I might lose my job!! All because you take issue with my personality!”

Cassian was back on his feet now, but was keeping out of range of Jyn to avoid more blows. “Look, I had no idea he was going to take it so seriously! And it was like weeks ago. You were scaring off all the students in your sections and they kept coming to me and I was swamped. And I never saw you working on grading and I just felt like you weren’t pulling your weight!”

That comment stung a little bit. Jyn had assumed the reason she hardly had anyone approach her with questions was because they didn’t care. She hadn’t realized they were afraid of her. If her mind hadn’t been so clouded, she probably would’ve calmed down a bit and been more rational about the situation, but the alcohol was fueling her rage and embarrassment.

“I don’t care Cassian if I never worked at all. You had no right at all!!”

“Look, Jyn, it was ages ago and I know better now ok?!? I’m sorry!”

“I don’t want to hear it! GET OUT!”

Kay approached Cassian and took his arm and started pulling him towards the door. Jyn hadn’t even realized he had followed her from the kitchen. Cassian fought back against Kay though, and turned to Jyn and opened his mouth to speak again. Jyn didn’t even allow him to get a syllable out.

“Don’t Cassian. Just don’t.” Cassian looked at her solemnly and then disappeared with Kay through the crowds. Jyn raised her voice and addressed the rest of the room which was still silent and staring. “Unless any of you want to get punched too, I suggest you get back to your drinks!”

Without a glance back to see if anyone actually listened to her, Jyn fled from the room and made we way up to Bodhi’s room as fast as she could. There was a couple making out in there when she arrived, but one death glare for Jyn had them scurrying out as fast as they could. She slammed the door shut behind them, locked the door, and collapsed onto the bed, as she was in no fit state to make it home on her own.

Jyn rolled over and buried herself into the covers, fully intending to sleep it off. But before she was able to fall asleep, her phone buzzed.

 **Cassian**  
_I really am sorry_

Instead of replying, Jyn just chucked her phone across the room. It wasn’t worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I’m Alyssa, I’m obsessed with pyschology and 80s music. And Star Wars. Always Star Wars. So yeah, this is turning out angstier than I anticipated, but it will get fluffier. Let me know what you think. I hope to have the second half up in a week


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo....i did NOT mean for this to take nearly month to update, but I got the flu and then my kids did and life was just really crazy for a bit there. Sorry!

If things had been awkward before the party between Jyn and Cassian, it didn’t compare to how they got on afterwards. Conversations were limited to as few words as possible and only to topics related to class. Not that Cassian hadn’t tried to apologize again, but one look from Jyn, and he never brought the topic up again. Office hours were spent in almost absolute silence with both making a mad dash to leave once the time was up. As a result, the semester dragged on even more than it had before and Leia claimed Jyn’s attitude had gotten down right murderous.

Jyn had made an effort to be more friendly to the freshman, even if she was mentally facepalming the entire she had to deal with them. And a natural consequence of no longer talking to Cassian during office hours was that Jyn threw herself into her work to avoid him. So she was getting essays graded even faster than before, which everyone was thrilled about.

Eventually though, the end of the semester did finally arrive. Finals were taken and mostly graded. Only the last batch of long answer essays remained to be graded, and Jyn was free for the rest of the month. It was cold out now and Jyn stayed on campus, where she could avoid the frigid temperatures, as long as she could before making the cold trek back to her apartment. She was just headed to the TA office from dinner at the caf when she heard voices from the open door. Normally, Jyn wouldn’t pry, but she heard Draven’s voice, and her curiosity was piqued.

“Look, Andor, you’re a brilliant student and researcher. But your thesis is a wreck.”

Jyn’s breath caught. She should have figured it’d was Cassian that Draven was talking to but the thought honestly hadn’t crossed her fatigued mind.

“I am trying, sir. I given all the ideas that I hav-

Draven’s voice came again, talking across Cassian. “The ideas you have are wonderful. Especially the hope concept we discussed. But they’re not feasible. At least not in the amount of time for a PhD. It would require longitudinal studies.They’d be better for your career research. You need to come up with something more practical for shorter term study.”

Jyn knew she needed to leave. She shouldn’t be hearing this. Cassian would never forgive her if he knew she knew about his thesis. He had been so touchy about it when she had asked all those months ago. And now she knew why. Just as she made to leave, Jyn heard footsteps and froze. Draven’s voice came again, this time much closer to the door.

“Keeping you on as just a TA was a short term solution. Take the break to focus on finding a topic and we’ll readdress this in the new year. But if you can’t figure something out, we’re going to have to let you go Cassian. I’m sorry.”

Jyn didn’t have a chance to look like she wasn’t listening before Draven walked out and saw her.

“Ahh, Miss Erso, you saved me the trouble of an email,” he said, unphased by her presence. “I wanted to let you that I have noticed your work has much improved. The TA evaluation I have the students fill out each semester showed you were very helpful and punctual with your grading. I am planning on keeping you on. And you can expect to see a letter of recommendation in your email sometime after grades are submitted. Happy Holidays.” He gave her what passed for a smile and continued down the hallway, leaving Jyn standing outside the office alone.

Normally, Jyn wouldn’t have considered herself a coward, but the thought of walking into the office and having to sit next to Cassian and grade papers was unbearable. He had just had his failure with his thesis unintentionally picked apart for her to hear. And after Draven changed his mind about her job, which she was sure wasn’t solely due to her evaluations. She didn’t know how she was ever going to be able to look Cassian in the eye again.

“I know you’re out there.” Cassian interrupted Jyn’s internal torment and suddenly facing him was unavoidable. She tentatively walked into the room. Cassian was seated in his usual chair with his back to her. Half of the papers were in front of her chair.

Hearing her footsteps, Cassian turned his head and said “Let’s just get these done and then we’ll probably never have to see each other again.” He looked terrible, his normally put together wardrobe was rumpled and his face looked ashen. His shoulders were slumped under all the stress he was carrying and he looked nearly ten years older.

Jyn couldn’t think of anything to say to that wouldn’t make the situation worse, so she just nodded and took her seat. Cassian turned back to his work, resolutely not looking at her. Jyn turned to her own stack and attempted to get to work. Normally the silence between them didn’t bother her, or a least it was bearable. But this time it was different. The silence stretched between them until it filled the room. It felt heavy in the air, like a weight upon her shoulders.

After a few unproductive and uncomfortable minutes, Jyn couldn’t stand the silence any longer. Before she could think to much about it, Jyn took a deep breath and spoke.

“I used to be a Computer Science major. That’s how I knew how to fix the computer that day.”

Clearly surprised by her topic of conversation Cassian turned and stared at her, with a hard look on his face. Jyn didn’t acknowledge him but plowed on.

“But it's more than that. My dad was a genius with computers. They were his second love after my mom. He worked to provide affordable, live saving software to hospitals. It wasn’t glamorous, but he loved it. And he shared his love of computers with me. I was good at it too. We built our first computer together when I was six. They died when I was eight in a car crash. I was devastated.”

At this Cassian’s expression softened, clearly recognizing what she was trying to do, but Jyn wouldn’t stop until she really made him understand.

“I was adopted by Saw. He encouraged me to do something with my life that would make my parents proud. So I decided to be just like my dad and write software. When I got to college, I expected it to be easy. And it was and it wasn’t. I mean the work itself was not very challenging. But the field was not...well I guess you could say they weren’t very accepting of me.”

She paused for a moment her and looked down at her hands. She couldn’t stop now, but she hesitated to share the next part.

“As you know...how should I put this...I’m not exactly a people person.” Cassian snorted at this comment, but let her continue. He was facing her completely now, leaning back in his chair, and was giving her his full attention.

“And that on top of that, being a girl in a typically more male dominated field didn’t go over well with some people. Especially with this one grad student who taught my Java programming class. He was a bastard. One class period he spent thirty minutes talking about how women shouldn’t have careers stay home with the kids and if a couple needs two incomes they are just not managing their money wisely. And since I was the only girl in the class, he glared at me the entire time.”

Jyn paused, here and took a deep breath. She looked up at Cassian who was looking at her intently. “Be patient,” she said, “this next part might get a little technical, but I promise it’s necessary.”

“Anyway, for the midterm, we were required to write this input/output program. Basically we were given an assigned string of characters, a sentence in this case, to read into the program and it was supposed to spit out a number. And that number was our grade. Well, I wrote the program. Four different times to be exact. But not matter what I did, I kept getting fifty percent. Turns out, at the end of the sentence, there was a space. So even though my code was perfect, because I didn’t type a stupid space into the input box, I got a fifty percent. It was ridiculous.”

She barely stopped for breath, the words stumbling out of her mouth now. Sharing this experience was never something she had intended to do. It was painful, yet cathartic, almost like pulling a scab off a wound. “I wasn’t the only one either. Over half the class made the same mistake. A large number of us complained to him about it. I was even pretty reasonable about it. I told him I realized I messed up and that I knew I didn’t deserve full marks but explained that my code was technically correct and that I felt it deserved more than fifty percent.”

“As you can expect, he didn’t take it well. I could never prove it, but I had the feeling after that day that he was intentionally marking my work down. Then the final came around. It was an in class, times final. The way he set it up you would get less and less points every twenty minutes that passed, until you failed . I’ve never, ever been good with timed tests. And this setup was especially anxiety inducing. So I panicked. Hard. I completely froze up. He saw that I was struggling and came up to me. He leaned in real close and whispered in my ear “You can’t blame me this time for your failure.””

Jyn looked away from Cassian. His expression remained unreadable and she wasn’t sure she wanted to see his reactions to her next confession. She grimaced as she spoke and resolutely kept her eyes fixed on her hands in her lap.

“I will probably never forgive myself for what I did next. I just gave him an uncomfortable laugh and then just accepted it. He told me I was going to fail and I accepted it. I gave up. I shut my computer down and just got up and left. And...because of it...and him, I never stepped foot in another computer class again. I guess I just...couldn’t face it.”

“Anyway,” Jyn continued “I guess what I am trying to say is, you’re not a failure Cassian because your thesis is struggling. You only fail when you accept it. And..uh.. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have listened earlier...”

Jyn trailed off and looked up at Cassian. He still had an unreadable expression on his face. After a beat, he still hadn’t said anything, had not even acknowledged her offering, and Jyn felt incredibly awkward. So, she stood and started to pack up her things, trying hard to keep herself from blushing. “Umm...I can do these at home if you want.”

Her words seemed to startled him into speaking, Cassian grabbed her arm and gave her a soft smile, “No, stay Jyn. Please?”

Jyn nodded and settled back down. Silence fell again, but it wasn’t uncomfortable this time. It was...hopeful.

After a moment, Cassian spoke. “You didn’t have to do that you know…”

Jyn nodded, “But I wanted too.”

“So what did you do?”

“Huh?”

“We may not always get along that great Jyn, but I do know you. You never back down from a fight.”

Jyn flushed. “Actually, I guess I do. Well, at least freshman Jyn did. I’ve never told anyone, but I didn’t do anything. I felt so completely hopeless and shut down, that I gave up. When I walked out of that class, I completely walked away. I didn’t complain, I didn’t even go to his supervisor. I just...I gave up. I decided that if that was how I was going to be treated as a woman, that I would do something else. Senior Jyn probably would’ve clocked him though.” Jyn chuckled at her own little joke.

“Anyway after that, Saw got really sick. So I took a semester off to be with him and figure things out. Before he passed, I told him about the class and how disappointed I was in myself for just accepting defeat and not living up to my parents. Saw reminded me that my Dad’s legacy wasn’t necessarily his computer brilliance but how he used it to help people. When my parents passed, I had really great social workers, so when I re -enrolled in classes, that’s what I decided to do.”

“I’ve never regretted not continuing on with computers, but I do regret how it happened. That I didn’t DO anything about what happened. Especially since he still works at the school.”

“Seriously?” Cassian was completely taken aback by this relievation. “How is that even possible?”

“Seriously. I have no idea. And I’ve heard that not a single female has passed his class since he started teaching. I regret that the most.”

“It’s not your fault Jyn.”

“I know that, I guess...I just….” she paused and laughed. “I guess this got a bit heavy...Anyway..” She fished for a subject change. “About Solo’s essay…”

“Not again Erso!” Cassian’s laugh sound relieved. “The last time I graded one of his essay I wanted to poke my eyes out with my red pen.”

“No seriously! He and Leia are like a thing now! I might be unfairly biased. Plus since they’ve gotten together he’s gotten better. Apparently he told off some guy the other day for mansplaining Leia.”

Cassian put his head on the desk and groaned. “Fiiiiinne. But you have to do Christine’s.”

“Who?”

“You know, that one blonde that annoys you.” Cassian sat up and gave Jyn a mischievous grin.

“I’ll take anything over Solo’s.”

“Don’t be so sure. She misspelled psychology every time in her last paper.”

“Ehh, so?” Jyn shrugged. “It’s a long word.”

“She somehow worked an “f” into the word.”

“Oh good heavens.” Jyn facepalmed. “How is that even possible?”

Cassian just laughed at her and passed her the essay.

The rest of the evening was spent with comfortable banter. Jyn never would have thought that going into that evening they would have wound up mending their relationship. Something about sharing their deepest failures had connected them though.  They had both done wrong to each other. They knew they had. They recognized it, accepted it and just moved on.

 

///

 

He might have been family, but Jyn was seriously considering offing Bodhi. It was Christmas Eve, and Jyn was feeling cozy and happy for the first time in weeks. Thanks to a stellar letter of recommendation, she had finished her application for grad school and was feeling pretty good about it, didn’t have any work to stress her out but if she had to sit through one more Hallmark movie she was going to find some duct tape and a shovel.

“Bodhi, seriously, I’m not watching anymore of this garbage. Plus, we still haven’t started Home Alone and it’s nearly midnight!”

“Hey!’ said Bodh, who was sitting next to the TV rifling through his extensive collection of movies. He pointed a finger at her in jest. “You were the one crying at the end of the last one!”

“Yeah but the kid spoke for the first time since his mom died and it was just really beautiful. The rest of the movie was horrific.”

“Whatever. Do we have to do Home Alone this year?” he groaned  as he got up and then threw himself dramatically on the couch.

“Yes you idiot, it’s tradition!” she said punching him lightly on the arm.

“Finnnneee. It would just be nice to switch it up sometime. We could do White Christmas or It’s a Wonderful Life?”

“No way!” said Jyn, throwing a pillow at Bodhi, who caught it deftly. “But I’m open to Christmas Vacation or Die Hard.”

“Ok, first off, Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.And second, you have terrible taste in movies. Can’t we do a classic?” Bodhi rolled his eyes at Jyn and threw the pillow back at her. She wasn’t as quick as Bodhi and it hit her squarely in the face. 

“Not on your life. I’ll compromise with the Santa Clause though.” 

“Fiiiiiiine. I’ll get the drinks,” said Bodhi, getting up to go to the kitchen. 

Jyn got up and searched through his collection of movies until she found it, pulled the disc out of its sleeve, and got it in the player. She had just gotten cozy back in the couch when her phone dinged. She seriously considered not getting up to get it though, but afraid it might be someone important, she threw off her blankets, and grabbed her phone from the top of the entertainment center where she had left it.

**Cassian**

_Merry Christmas!_

Jyn grinned down at her phone. Since their last grading session, things had changed between her and Cassian. Jyn might even call them friends . Somehow he had become the person she turned to whenever she had something sarcastic or funny to share. It had started when she texted him about Han and Leia making out on her couch and he had responded with something Kay had said  and it just went from there. Cassian had even checked up on her and how her grad school application had gone.

**Jyn**

_Merry Christmas to you too_

**Cassian**

_Thanks. Up to anything interesting? I brought Kay home with me so thankfully my abuela has someone else to force feed. Never realize how much time home I spent avoiding her so now I’m bored_  

**Jyn**

_Haha. It’s just me and Bodhi. We’re about to partake in one of our more hedonistic Christmas traditions_  

**Cassian**

_Huh?_  

**Jyn**

_We do a Christmas movie drinking game. Usually we watch Home Alone and have a drink every time one of the guys gets hurt. This year we’re doing the Santa Clause tho_

**Cassian**

_Uhh. That’s amazing. New favorite Christmas tradition_

 

_Wait how do you do a drinking game to the Santa Clause?_

  **Jyn**

_We take a drink every time the kid is annoying. Usually I’m wasted before Tim Allen falls of the roof._

  **Cassian**

_You have a problem_

  **Jyn**

_No I don’t. I have ridiculously awesome ideas_

  **Cassian**

_Suuuurre_

  **Jyn**

_Though if I were being totally honest, I think the Christmas Eve drinking game was originally Bodhi’s idea_

  **Cassian**

_He’s your brother right?_

  **Jyn**

_Yeah. Didn’t you meet him at the Halloween Party ?_

  **Cassian**

_Uhhh. No. I was...otherwise occupied, so I didn’t really get a chance_

 Knowing full well he was referring to her punching him, Jyn flushed. She was grateful they were just texting and he couldn’t see her. Though they were getting along now, their tentative friendship felt delicate sometimes. She didn’t want to dwell too much on their past issues because she still felt raw from their last conversation about it. So she opted for changing the subject.

  **Jyn**

_Well we’ll have to do something about that. I think you’d really get along. You’re both giant nerds._

  **Cassian**

_You’re too kind. A real Mother Theresa_

  
Jyn laughed and couldn’t keep a stupid grin from coming to her face. One thing she hadn’t expected upon getting to know Cassian better was how much they got along. He had a dry humor that never failed to make Jyn laugh and he accepted that she was just Jyn. Talking to him was becoming one of her favorite things.

 “Ok, you never even smile at me like that and I’m your favorite human being. What is going on?” Bodhi had just walked back into the room from the kitchen and had caught her smile.

 “I was just talking to Cassian. It’s not a big deal.”

Putting their drinks down hard so that they splashed out a little on the coffee table, Bodhi turned, looking surprised. “Spill,” he said. “Cause the last I heard about Cassian was that you hoped he would talk a short walk off a tall cliff.” He sat back, gave Jyn a demanding look she knew he had to have learned from Leia, and gestured to her to speak.

 Jyn scrunched up her face and avoided looking at Bodhi and rushed through the story at lighting speed.

 “Sooo...right before the break, I overheard an embarrassing conversation he was having and he knew I heard it so I felt bad so I told him a super huge embarrassing thing about me...and so I guess now we’re friends???” She peeked her eyes open and Bodhi who was rolling his eyes at her.

 “Seriously? You make friends in the most bizarre way. Anyway details, what was the conversation.”

 “Nuh-uh, no way. We just became friends. I’m not telling you that.”

 “You’re so lame. Anyway, I need to meet him, I didn’t get chance when he was at my party before sooooommmmone decided to be all dramatic.”

 Jyn glared at Bodhi and deadpanned, “I am never dramatic.” He just laughed.

 “Sure. Just keep telling yourself that. You should invite him over for our New Years party.”

 Jyn bit her lip. “I dunno, it’s not exactly like we have a great track record for parties.” She added, “Plus, I think he’s visiting family.”

 Bodhi rolled his eyes. “It was one time Jyn. Think of it as a chance to start over. Just ask him. And it's not like it’s a party party. It’s more like a get together.”

 “Fine, but if we get into another fight, it’s on you,” said Jyn picking up her phone.

 “I can deal with that as long as you don’t break anything.”

 Jyn just rolled her eyes and sent her message

  **Jyn**

_Are you doing anything for New Years? Or will you still be visiting family?_

  **Cassian**

_I’ll be back. I’d gain like 20 pounds if I stayed till New Years. I was just thinking of doing a Lord of the Rings marathon. Why?_

  **Jyn**

_First off, once again, Nerd._

  _Second off, Do you want to come over for a New Year’s party?_

 

_Before you say anything about Halloween…it’ll be more like a get together. Only close friends and nothing too crazy_

 

  _And you can bring Kay as long as he promises not to say anything overly offensive_

  **Cassian**

_Uhhh….maybe_

 

_Well as long I don’t end up having to kiss any strangers at midnight. Last year I got mono. I swear I nearly died._

  **Jyn**

_Haha oh. Yeah, should’ve mentioned. Once our friends Shara and Kes got together and were just utterly disgusting we did away with the kissing thing. We just do shots at midnight now_

 

_Oh hell. I sound like such an alcoholic today. I promise I am normal, ok?_

  **Cassian**

_Jyn you are as far from normal as you can be without being diagnosable_

 

_I’ll be there. Kay will be visiting his grandparents, so it’ll just be me._

 Jyn grinned at Bodhi. “He’ll be there.”

 

///

 

While Jyn had been nervous for the Halloween party, she was actually excited for Cassian to come for over for New Years. She even had taken extra care with dressing, wearing her nicest jeans and a black sweater and she had even popped on a pair of earrings and exchanged her typical high tops for a pair of flats. She was just putting on the finishing touches when the doorbell rang. Leia and Han we standing on the front steps, shivering, when she answered the door.

 “Hold up, are you wearing makeup?” asked Leia as they made their way inside. Jyn had been spending most of the break at Bodhi’s house since Han and Leia had been going through an affectionate stage. It was probably sad that she did, but Jyn much preferred them when they were arguing.

 “She so is!” Bodhi yelled from the kitchen.

 “No one asked you!” Jyn yelled back, as she closed the front door.

 In response Bodhi just yelled back “Leia, ask her why!!”

 Leia turned to Jyn, in full interrogation mode. “Ok, spill, what’s up?”

“It’s not anything, Bodhi is just making a big deal out of nothing,” said Jyn as she walked into the living room with the happy couple

 “Liar!” Bodhi called again from the kitchen. “Cassian is coming.”

 Leia’s eyebrows shot up so far into her hairline that they disappeared. “Um excuse me, what? The last I heard you were hoping he’d get hit by a truck.”

 Jyn gave Leia a sheepish grin and shrugged her shoulders. “We made up. We’re giving the whole being friends thing ago.”

 Leia threw herself unto the couch and was joined by Han who flopped on top of her. “Get off me you big oaf,” she said as she kicked him off of her. He shrugged, gave her sloppy kiss, and then plopped down on the floor. Leia just rolled her eyes. “You’re so mature,” turning her attention back to Jyn she said, “Seriously, couldn’t you guys have worked this out months ago. You’ve been impossible to live with lately.”

 “Yeah,” piped up Han, “and maybe if you were getting some I might’ve actually gotten an A”

 Jyn ignored Leia, but she threw one of the pillows from off one of the chairs at Han. He just batted it away a glared at Jyn.

 “You’re just lucky we passed you.” Jyn bit at him. “Your essays were mostly atrocious. Leia, I have no idea what you see in this nerf herder.”

 Leia just shrugged and Jyn was saved from further interrogation about Cassian by the doorbell ringing. Bodhi’s co-worker Shara and her husband Kes has arrived. They were followed by Luke, Leia’s brother, then Wedge, another co-worker of Bodhi’s, and then finally, Baze and Chirrut, Bodhi’s neighbors. The only person missing was Cassian. Jyn tried to not be nervous, but she couldn’t help but start to worry he wouldn’t show.

 A last the doorbell rang. Most everyone was occupied in conversation by this point and Jyn made her way quickly to the door in hopes of heading off anyone who had the inclination to open the door. She wasn’t so lucky though. Bodhi, breathing heavier than normal, was already answering the door.

 “Hey! I’m Bodhi, you must be Cassian. It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Bodhi shook Cassian’s hand vigorously as he pulled Cassian out of the entryway. “Let me show around! Here Jyn, take Cassian’s coat!”

 Jyn had no option but to give Cassian a regretful shrug as Bodhi passed by, shoving his coat into her arms. She made her way quickly to the coat closet and threw the coat in hoping to head Bodhi off before he was too embarrassing, but she had no luck. She was intercepted by Chirrut and then Leia, so it had been nearly fifteen minutes by the time she was able to track the pair down. They were in Bodhi’s spare room, that functioned as both his ‘office' and guest room. It housed his extensive collection of retro game systems and games and also had the futon she slept on when she stayed.  

 As she approached the room, she heard them conversing. Hoping, Bodhi hadn’t said anything about the time Cassian and she hadn’t gotten along, Jyn entered the room. Neither one of them even noticed she had come in. They were behind Bodhi’s large computer desk looking at all the games he had on display on his bookshelf.

 “Wait, you play Myst too? Man, I love those games! That’s amazing!” Cassian was practically gushing over Bodhi’s old computer games.

 “Yes! Though, my favorite, I have to say is Riven. It makes me feel so nostalgic.”

 “I know, man, me too!” Cassian walked over to look at the game systems Bodhi had under his TV on the opposite wall. “Hold on, is this a Sega Genesis? And an Atari 2600? How do you even get that to work?

 Jyn could sense that the conversation was only building up steam and wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon. So she interrupted.

 “Geez Cassian, I knew you were a nerd, but I didn’t know you were as bad as Bodhi,” She laughed as they turned and gave her only slightly embarrassed grins. “Bods,” she continued addressing her brother, “Leia needs you. She wants to know when we’re going to do games.”

 Bodhi rolled his eyes. “I knew I should’ve just made her host New Years this year. Whatever. I’ll go figure it out. You two don’t be long now.” As he walked by Jyn to leave the room, he whispered in her ear, “I like him, don’t screw this up.”

 Jyn just rolled her eyes and then turned to smile at Cassian. They were quiet for a minute until they heard Bodhi go down the hall.

 “Hey,” she said

 “Hey.”

 “I’m sorry I about him. I hope he wasn’t too embarrassing.”

 Cassian let out a snort. “I think he was trying to be a protective older brother and do the whole don’t hurt my sister again thing, but he’s too nice. Plus we got distracted by video games.”

 “Of course you did.” She walked over to where he stood and leaned against the desk next to him. “How’s your break so far?”

 “Pretty good. My family was insane, but that’s normal. You?”

 “Quiet. It’s been nice. I did get my grad school applications submitted.”

 “That’s great. I talked to Draven about my thesis and-”

 Cassian was cut off by Bodhi yelling at them from down the hall. “Hey!! Leia says to get in here, we’re doing games!”

 Jyn and Cassian looked at each other and just laughed and rolled their eyes.

 

///

 

After multiple drunk Minute to Win it games (and a very long argument with Han as to why they would not be reinstating the kiss at midnight because no one wanted to see him and Leia making out), midnight had come and gone with Bodhi’s signature New Year's shots. The party was slowly dissolving. Kes and Shara has disappeared and Han and Leia were having an argument outside. Everyone else were engaged in comfortable conversation. Baze was asleep on Chirrut’ shoulder who was engrossed in a deep philosophical discussion with Luke who was oblivious to Bodhi staring at him. The atmosphere was warm and sleepy. Jyn was pleasantly buzzed and felt far more affection for the people in the room han she normally allowed herself to. She looked around the room and felt almost sentimental for a moment. It had been nice to spend a holiday surrounded by people she actually liked.

 Thirsty, but not wanting any more alcohol, Jyn made her was to the kitchen and filled a glass up from the tap. She could see Han and Leia still going at it through the kitchen window. One day they would get it together, but it wasn’t looking like it would be tonight. Or morning, thought Jyn, glancing at the clock, seeing that it was very early.

 “I just don’t understand those two.” Cassian had slipped into the kitchen so softly, Jyn hadn’t even heard him.

 She laughed, “I don’t think anyone does, but hey, it works? Maybe?!” She laughed again and this time Cassian joined her. His laugh was low and soft and Jyn suddenly wished she could make him laugh more. He crossed the room, grabbed a glass from off the counter, and then reached around her to fill up his cup from the tap. She must have been cold or something, because his nearness made her feel warm and breathless.

 “Speaking of couples,” he said, “What’s the deal with Luke and Bodhi? Your brother hasn’t taken his eyes off of him all night long.” Cassian leaned against the adjacent counter and stretched out his legs, his feet nearly touching hers

 Jyn shrugged, “I have no idea. When they first met, they really seemed to click but I guess things cooled down and now they’re just friends. Every time I talk to Bodhi about it, he says as a pilot he doesn’t have enough stability in his life for a relationship or that their friendship is too important to him or some other crap.” She paused for a second to sip her water before continuing on, her buzz making her more forthcoming than usual. “I’m never going to be stupid enough to fall for a friend. It’s too complicated.”

 For an instant, Jyn thought she saw disappointment flicker across his face, but an instant later it was gone. So she must have imagined it.

 “Oh, I was trying to say earlier,” said Cassian, “but I got my thesis worked out with Draven.”

 “Really?!” Jyn asked, her face breaking into a wide grin. “That’s fantastic, Cassian!”

 “I really should be thanking you Jyn,” he said giving her a wide smile, “You inspired it. Well sort of. I’ll be studying how instructor attributions of success in relation to student failure. Specifically in regards to opposing genders.” Noticing her completely befuddled expression, he clarified. “Or basically, I guess, how instructors can influence their student’s success or failure in regards to their own personal bias.”

 “Cassian that sounds amazing. I’m really happy for you.” She bit her lip, a small hesitation coming to mind. “Does this mean that we won’t be working together anymore?”

 Cassian’s face fell and he frowned and looked down at his feet. Jyn’s heart sank a little and she tried to keep the smile on her face, to be happy for him. But she didn’t want to lose him after just becoming friends again.

 Just then, Cassian looked up at her with a sheepish grin. He laughed, “Yeah, we’ll still be working together. Draven doesn’t think he can find another TA on such short notice.”

 “You ass!” Jyn, playfully punching him on his arm. He grabbed his arm in mock pain which only elicited an eye roll from Jyn. “You had me worried!”

 “Yeah, sorry...you made it too easy.” He paused, growing serious. “Kidding aside Jyn, I’m going to be very busy once my research gets approved and stuff. Draven thinks the best way for me to do both will probably be to have some or all of my office hours in the grad student lab. I’m sorry.”

 Jyn shrugged. Sure, she wasn’t too happy about not being able to work next to Cassian as much, but they would still see a lot of each other and she was really excited that he had gotten his thesis worked out and would be sticking around. “Well, at least you’re not abandoning me entirely to the hoards of freshman.” She said.

 He laughed, “Yes, it’s incredibly chivalrous of me.”

 Jyn just smiled back and soaked in the perfection that had been that night. She realized that for the first time, in a long time, she was truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I initially was going to make this a two chapter story, but the last chapter got crazy long. So one more! And hopefully soon! haha...
> 
> Jyn's experience was actually based on real (somewhat embellished) events. It was really healing to write it out.


	3. Chapter 3

If Lando Clarissian didn’t stop talking, Jyn was going to punch him. She had thought being Han’s TA the last semester was bad enough, but compared to Clarissian, (and with some maturing he had done since dating Leia) Han was a model student. Somehow, Landon had managed to turn a perfectly inane question that should’ve had a three word answer into a five minute long ego trip about his latest entrepreneurial exploits of questionable legality. And instead of stopping him, Draven was...well apparently asleep.

Jyn refreshed the webpage on her laptop in front of her. And then a second time for good measure. Still nothing. She sighed and glanced at the empty seat next to hers. Cassian was late, again. Usually he was the one to keep the class on track, but with Cassian not currently present, the task unluckily fell to her. But she really, reeeeaaaallly didn’t want to interrupt Lando. Last time she had, he’d hit on her in front of the whole class. Instead, Jyn just put her head in her hands in frustration and groaned. Gods, she missed Cassian when he wasn’t there.

But it was more than that. She _missed_ him. He’d been crazy busy since the semester started. But in the last month since one of his studies had been approved his workload had multiplied. As he had predicted, he’d had to do a lot of his office hours that semester in the grad lab, but the last couple weeks the only times she’d seen him were when they sat in on Draven’s class together and when they’d met up to grade essays at his apartment. And even if those paper grading sessions sometimes turned into a movie watching session complete with some of his abuela’s delicious food, it was still wasn’t enough time with him.

Jyn groaned again. Oh for kriff’s sake, she was being to sound like a hormonal teenager. She didn’t need Cassian for everything. So to prove it to herself, she lifted her head out of her hands and in a raised voice said “Clarissian, that’s quite enough I think. Let’s have someone else have a turn.”

 Lando was unperturbed and just sent her a winning grin. “I will if you say you’ll go out with me, sweetheart.”

 Knowing he was mostly harmless, Jyn just rolled her eyes, even though she really just wanted to deck him.  But a voice from the back of the room said “I think she’d rather have dinner with Jabba the Hutt than with you.” Cassian was making his way to the front of the class. “Or maybe Donald Trump. I don’t know, but how about next time you keep your comments appropriate and respectful” Cassian sat down in the chair next to Jyn and fixed Lando with a withering glare.

 “Uhem…” Draven, who had been awaken by Cassian’s remarks cleared his throat. “Yes let’s stay on topic, class. Now where were we?”

 As the conversation picked back up around them, Cassian leaned over to her and whispered “He’s a textbook case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder if I ever saw one.”

 Jyn snorted in response. She should probably be more upset with him that he didn’t let her defend herself against Lando, but she really couldn’t bring herself to care at the moment. “You didn’t have to do that, you know. I could’ve handled it.”

 “Oh I know you can, that’s exactly why I did it. I can’t have you getting yourself fired for punching a student, not matter how much he deserved it. I’d miss you too much.”

 Laughter bubbled up inside of Jyn. She couldn’t help it, and she let out an unseemly giggle. Even though a couple of the students shot her funny looks, she didn’t really care. For some reason things were funnier with Cassian around. “I was literally just thinking about punching him right before you walked in.” She whispered to him as she tried to discreetly refresh the screen in front of her.

 “I know you so well” said Cassian. And despite her efforts, he noticed what she was doing. “Still nothing?”

 Jyn shook her head. “Nothing. But today is the earliest I can hear back so I mean it could still be days before they send me anything. It’ll be even longer if they’re sending it through snail mail.” In spite of knowing this, Jyn had been checking her email nearly every minute since she got up that morning. Today she would be finding out if she got into the social work program at her current school. She had gotten into a few other programs around the country, but this was the one she really wanted to get into.

 “Jyn, you’ll get in. I have a good feeling about it.” Jyn just nodded in response and glared at her screen as if willing an email to appear.

 Even with Cassian’s assurances, Jyn was still nervous. As enticing as some of the other programs were, this one was the best. And she really didn’t want to move. Her home was here. Bodhi was here. Her friends were here. Cassian was here. She glanced at him...when had he become so important to her? Somehow in the months since the New Years party he had wormed his way into her life and she wasn’t ready to lose that yet.

 The bell rang, signalling the end of the class and startling Jyn. She had been so caught up in her worries over grad school, she hadn’t even noticed the time going by. Slowly, she gathered her things, hoping the stretch out what were likely the last few moments that she would get to spend with Cassian that day.

 By the time she had stowed away her laptop and packed her books, she and Cassian were the last people in the classroom.

 “You headed back to the lab now?” she asked and they made their way to the exit.

 "Unfortunately. My research won’t do itself. As much as I wish it would.” Cassian snorted at his own lame joke, and Jyn just shook her head at him. At that moment, there was a ding from Jyn’s phone in her pocket. She normally kept it quiet, but today she didn’t want to risk not getting any notifications.

 With trembling hands, she pulled her phone from her pocket and stopped dead in her tracks. She had gotten an email from the school. She stood there for a moment with her thumb hovering over the home button. She couldn’t bring herself to unlock the phone and read the email. What if she didn’t get in?

 Cassian, noticing that she was no longer by his side, turned and walked back to her, concerned as to what could have made her stop so suddenly.“What is it?” he asked.

 Jyn handed him her phone. “I got an email from the school. I...I can’t open it. I’m too anxious! You do it, please?”

 A tense, silence fell as Cassian unlocked her phone and opened up the email. She had been so tired of having to remind him of her password over and over again that she’s eventually just programmed his thumbprint into it. Jyn watched him nervously has he read over the email, searching for any sign of the decision in his face, but his expression remained neutral.

 After a moment he looked up at her and gave her the most brilliant smile. “You got in!!!”

 “What?!?” Jyn gasped, not comprehending him.

“YOU GOT IN! And you even got a scholarship!”

 And then it hit her. She got in. She was staying here with her family and friends and Cassian and the program was just perfect and it was everything she had worked so hard for and…

 “Oh my gosh, I got in!” Jyn’s excitement overwhelmed and she threw her arms around Cassian.

 “Did you really doubt it?” He asked, laughing and holding her tightly.

 “Well no,” she said breaking the embrace, “but I mean I was definitely worried.” She grabbed her phone from him and started reading the email. They were still standing close together. It was a sign of how close they had gotten that she allowed him to be so into her personal space.

As she read, Cassian spoke. “Listen, I think this deserves some celebrating. How about we blow off work for rest of the day and I’ll make dinner or something?”

Jyn couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “Sounds like a plan.”

 

///

 

The best thing about dinners at Cassian’s, besides the food obviously, was that there was no dress code. After her classes were done for the day, she ran home and changed into her comfiest sweats, a headed over to his house. When she arrived, she let herself in. Normally when she arrived, there would be delicious smells coming from the kitchen, but today they were noticeably absent.

“Hey! Everything ok?” Jyn asked, as she made her way into the kitchen. She found Cassian with his head in the fridge, tossing food into the trash as he dug around. He gave her a sheepish grin and stood up from what he was doing.

“Soooo. Apparently, when I said I’d make dinner, I meant we’d be ordering in. I guess I’ve been a little busy lately. Even my tortillas have mold on them.” he said with a laugh.

“You can’t “borrow” any food from Kay?”

“Nah, he would know. I swear he counts like every grain of rice he owns.”

“Oh my gosh, what is that even like? I swear he’s a robot.”

Cassian laughed and shook his head. “He’s not that bad. I’m just glad he’s not here tonight. I really don’t want you guys getting into another argument.”

“Hey! We’ve gotten better. We made it halfway through the last movie before we started arguing.” Even though Jyn and Cassian had become close, the same could not be said for Jyn and Kay. While now they could go at least half an hour without saying something offensive to each other, they weren’t friends yet.

“Whatever. Anyway, are you ok with Chinese? I’ll get you extra wontons...”

“You know me so well!”

“I told you!” said Cassian “How about you pick the movie and get it started and I’ll order and get us some drinks.”

“Sounds good!”

Jyn made her way into the living room. Cassian was an avid gamer and movie collector, and had several large cases of movies. He refused to buy movies on digital because he claimed you didn’t actually own it that way; the companies just let you watch the movie. It was a silly thing, but it was one of his quirks that she found endearing.

After spending several minutes perusing his collection, Jyn eventually choose one of her favorite childhood classic. It had everything a great movie needs, a little bit of humor, a little bit of romance, a healthy amount of action, and plenty of intergalactic warfare. She had just made herself at home on the couch when Cassian joined her with beers. He was still exhausted and disheveled looking, but he seemed happier and he carried himself lighter than she had seen in weeks.

They made easy conversation through the opening credits and until their food arrived. As they ate, they were sucked into the film and a comfortable silence fell around them. It was just a movie and the food wasn’t anything fancy, but to Jyn it was the perfect way to celebrate her admission to grad school. She felt so at ease and peaceful that she didn’t even notice herself growing tired until she could no longer keep her eyes open and her head drooped to the side.

Jyn awoke some time later to the credits rolling. She was warm and comfortable, which was unusual for her because normally when she fell asleep sitting on a couch, she would have a terrible crick in her neck. As Jyn opened her eyes and looked around, she realized why. The warm, comfortable surface she was laying on was actually Cassian’s shoulder. He was asleep as well, with one arm propped up on the arm of the couch and the other around her.

Had it been with anyone else, Jyn would have been utterly embarrassed. She never slept with anyone. Well, she slept with people, she just didn’t fall asleep with them. Sleep made you vulnerable, and Jyn hated feeling vulnerable. But this was Cassian, he knew things about her she hadn’t told anyone else and she knew things about him, they had seen the darkest reaches of each other’s souls and still wanted to be around each other. He was her safe place. He was _home._

And that’s when the realization came crashing into her.

She was in love with him.

It wasn’t just friendship or a crush or whatever. Some how over the last few months she had fallen in love with him. She _loved_ him.. Completely and utterly for exactly who he was. He was everything she needed and more. He encouraged her, rooted for her, but didn’t take her attitude and could fend for himself. He was her perfect fit. He was her _home._

Suddenly he felt too close, yet not close enough. She wanted him, no needed him, like her body needed air. Jyn looked up at him and marveled at his sleeping face. Sure, she had thought he was cute from the first day that they’d met, but how had she never realized how exquisite he was?

The menu screen for the movie popped on the TV and the loud music woke Cassian with a start. He took his arm from around Jyn and wiped away the sleep in his face and Jyn sat up, missing his nearness. She watched him as he yawned and stretched, with a contented smile on her face.

At last Cassian looked over at her and was puzzled by her demeanor. “You ok?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, just more tired than I thought.”

Cassian laughed. “Sorry I was a terrible host tonight. Take out for dinner and I didn’t even make it halfway through the movie before I fell asleep.”

“I guess, if you’re a terrible host, then I’m a terrible guest. Because I slept through most of the movie too. Obviously I need sleep.”

“Well then,” Cassian chuckled as he spoke, “let’s get you home so you can sleep. Just let me grab my stuff and I’ll walk you home.”

Ever since they had started doing work and watching movies together at Cassian’s place, he had insisted on walking her home whenever it was dark. She had tried to convince him not to, especially since she could handle herself, but Cassian had proved himself to be more stubborn than her on the matter and she had given in. Tonight however, she wouldn’t have put up a fight anyway. Jyn wanted so badly to extend the time that she was with him.

The walk home was glorious. Jyn was still reeling from her revelation, but to her own surprise, she wasn’t freaking out at all. The last time she had even a whiff of feelings for someone she had run away, fast and hard. But this, with Cassian, just felt natural. It was completely cliche, but every time they brushed hands or he looked at her, she felt her pulse quicken and her breath catch.

“So, since you’re sticking around, are you going to keep living with Leia?” Cassian asked, shivering. Even though it was April, winter seemed determined to hang on and it was frigid out.

“I’m not sure,” Jyn replied, moving closer to Cassian.  Only for warmth she told herself. “She and Han are getting weirdly serious. I think they’re planning on moving in together. But who knows with them.”

"Seriously, I don’t understand their relationship.”

Jyn snorted. “I don't think even they do. I dunno, I might move in with Bodhi. I feel like I never see him these days. I guess he’s picked up a couple additional flights a month or something. Because I feel like he’s never around lately.”

“Tell me about it. He’s cancelled our last three game nights.” Since the New Years party when they connected over their shared love of retro video games, Cassian and Bodhi and become fast friends. Thinking about it, Jyn hadn’t realized how much Cassian had become a part of her life since New Years until now. He fit in so well with her friends and family. He was like a puzzle piece she hadn’t known was missing until he was there.

“It’s still weird to me that you guys are friends,” said Jyn. At that moment, it started snowing. Heavily. Jyn groaned and glared up at the sky as if the weather had intentionally offended her. “Are you kidding me? This is the worst spring on record!”

“Tell me about it.” Cassian replied. “How about I race you home? That way we’ll be warm and outside for less time. Winner picks dinner, loser pays ?”

“You know that means you’ll finally have to come eat with me in the caf when I win, right?”

“Yeah, that’s never going to happen Erso. ”

"Well then, I guess you’ll have to beat me then, Andor.”

“I will, watch me.”

“You’re on” said Jyn, sprinting away before Cassian could reply.

"Hey!!” Cassian yelled as he started after her. “That’s cheating!”

Jyn just turned threw him a smirk over her shoulder and kept running.

By the time they arrived back at Jyn’s place, nearly an inch of snow had already fallen and the two were completely covered in it. They were both panting from laughter and effort. Thanks to his taller stature, Cassian over took Jyn and he reached the door first. Jyn arrived a few seconds later, gasping for air. She bent over and took a few breaths before she spoke.

“No fair, you’ve got longer legs than me.” she whined moving next to him to unlock her door.

“And you got a head start, and I still whooped you Erso. Though I’ll be the gentleman and not force you to buy me dinner.”

Jyn rolled her eyes at him. And that's when she realized how close they were standing. She looked into his face and found it full of unreadable emotions. Everything grew quiet around them and the air felt thick and tight. Cassian inched closer to her and leaned in. Jyn could barely breathe. And then, as if he had remembered something, Cassian took a step back and cleared his throat. Jyn felt her heart drop. She had been so sure he was about to kiss her.

“Umm, yeah. I’d better get going.” he said, looking away from her.

Ok, yeah. You should get some sleep.” Jyn tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

“Actually, I was thinking I head to campus. I’m helping Draven run some studies in a couple days and there is a lot of paperwork for the participants still that needs to get done.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said pointedly, “You need to take care of yourself. You really need some sleep.”

“I promise I’ll take a couple of days off after this is over.”

Jyn felt her stomach tighten as she opened her door. Some part of her almost felt like he was throwing himself so hard into his work because of her, even though she knew that was irrational. But she couldn’t stand to see him do this to himself. And a selfish part of her wanted more time with him, even though she knew he had so much to do. Wanted him to stand close to her again and look at her the way he just had.

“Ok,” she said. And then deciding something within herself, she turned around and reached out and took his hand softly within her own. He looked at her with confusion and wonder in his face. She had never done this before. Of course, she had never realized she’d loved him before too. “At least come in and warm up before you leave. I’ll make some tea or cocoa or something.”

Cassian just nodded and followed her inside. Once inside, she lost a little of her bravado. She took off her coat and shoes. A little unsure of herself, she said “I’ll, um, just go put the kettle on really fast”

As she busied herself in the kitchen filling the kettle and putting it on the stovetop, she could barely breathe. Her hands were shaking. She had no idea what she was doing. All she knew was that she wanted to be with him.

“Hey,” Cassian has entered the kitchen. Jyn turned and drank him in. He liked exactly the same as always and yet somehow different too. Something about seeing him there in her kitchen made her heart fill full. He belonged here. With her.

After a moment she realized she had been staring at him for far longer than normal.

“Umm you still have some snow in your hair…” Jyn said softly.

Cassian shrugged. “It’ll melt,” he said.

“Yeah, and then you’ll drip water all over my kitchen. Or get hypothermia and leave me with all the papers to grade.” It was natural for her to be playful and sarcastic with him. It was how she always was. But tonight it felt more like a farce.

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we.” And then, instead of brushing the snow out like a civilized human being, he started to shake his head like a wet dog.

“Cassian! You heathen. Seriously?” Cassian smirked at her.

Jyn rolled her eyes and grabbed a clean hand towel out of a drawer. She reached up and started to towel off his head. When she finished their faces were only centimeters apart. Remembering the doorstep just minutes ago, Jyn decided. She needed him to know.

So instead of stepping away, Jyn dropped the towel and gently rearranged Cassian’s messy hair. The she let her hand trail down and brush his cheek. Cassian’s eyes closed and he leaned into her touch. He turned slightly and kissed her palm. Jyn gasped softly and Cassian opened his eyes. He brought his hand up to take hers that was still holding his cheek and brought it to his lips. Cassian dropped her hand, stepped closer, and then slowly, heartbreakingly slow, as if he had dreamed about this moment and couldn’t believe it was happening, he brought his hands up to cup her cheeks. He held her face delicately as if it was the most precious thing he’d ever held. And then finally, he bent his held low and pressed his lips to Jyn’s.

The kiss was everything a first kiss should be, soft and sweet and short. And it left Jyn aching for more. The short time his lips were against hers was not nearly enough, yet just enough to  drive Jyn mad. After their split second kiss, Cassian released Jyn and stepped back to gage her reaction, but Jyn was not having any of that. Without even thinking about it, Jyn grabbed the collar of Cassian’s shirt and forcefully dragged him back to kiss again. If her reaction surprised Cassian, he didn’t show it. Instead he slid one arm around her waist and another tangled in her hair as he pulled her body flush with his own. Cassian’s lips pressed hard into Jyn’s and she wound her arms around his neck. Their bodies were so close that there wasn’t even space for air between them now. The feeling of his lean, strong body all over hers was driving Jyn mad and Cassian was doing things with his lips that was making Jyn’s knees weak. She had never been kissed like this in her life. Cassian slipped the hand that was around her waist down to tease at the waistband of her sweats.

Jyn gasped and unintentionally broke their kiss, but Cassian didn’t seem to mind. Instead, he began planting small kisses on her neck. Each kisses made her pulse race faster and faster as his kissed his way her neck. Jyn was panting now and the pleasure of his kisses had her eyes rolling back in her head. She knew her control was slipping, if this continued any longer…

Jyn didn’t have the opportunity to even imagine what would happen if Cassian continued kissing her that way, as they were interrupted by loud voices at Jyn’s front door. Panic flooded Jyn, and instinct took over. She shoved Cassian off of her and attempted to put herself to rights before Leia saw them.. She had just enough time to take in his heartbroken face before they walked into the kitchen. Thankfully, Han and Leia were too preoccupied with their own problems to take in Jyn’s disheveled appearance and Cassian’s red face.

“Look here your Worshipfulness, it’s not MY fault-” Han shouted to Leia’s back.

“Oh, it is entirely your fault, you giant buffoon!” Leia interrupted.  She halted and turned and stuck her finger in his face. “It’s always your fault. It was your fault that…” Leia trailed off, finally recognizing that she and Han were not alone in the apartment. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to think anything was out of the ordinary. 

Leia flushed. “Uhh...Sorry. Han was just saying good night.”

“That’s alright,” said Cassian stifly, “I was just leaving. Han, I’ll walk you out.”

“Uhh...yeah. Well good night.” Han said. He turned to Cassian and slung his arm around his shoulders. “Come on Cassian, let’s get out of here before her highness decides to subject us to an another lecture.” Before Jyn could even react, Cassian was gone.

Leia huffed and turned to Jyn and started ranting about Han and something that happened while they were out. Jyn didn’t take in a word of it, she just stood there in shock.

 

///

 

Jyn would like to say she handled the situation with grace and maturity, but unfortunately she didn’t. Gone was the calm from earlier in the evening. They had kissed and it was amazing but then she overreacted and ruined it. He didn’t even know how she felt. Jyn had snapped at Leia and tried to go after Cassian, but as she was already in a tense mood, Leia did not take it well at all. Jyn and Leia ended up getting into a full blown argument. By the time it was over, it was too late to go after Cassian. She’d tried calling, but to no avail.

Full blown panic had set in at this point. Jyn tried going to bed, but spent the night tossing and turning and checking her phone. Nothing. No texts. No calls. Nothing. Doubts ran through her mind all night. What if he didn’t actually feel the same way as her? Is that why he hadn’t answered whenever she called? What had she been thinking kissing him? She’d just ruined a perfectly good friendship. She kept seeing that heartbroken look on his face, over and over again.  She’d never be able to face Cassian again.

By the time 5 AM rolled around, Jyn hadn’t slept at all. She just accepted that sleep was just not going to happen and got up and ready for the day. Feeling guilty over their arguement, Jyn wrote Leia a quick apology note and then left, hoping things would work out between them. Everything in her life right now felt like a disaster. When she arrived on campus and made it over to the caf, the dining hall hadn’t even opened for the day.

Which is how she found herself hopelessly alone, without even food to keep her company. To fill the time until the caf opened, Jyn decided to call Bodhi. She wasn’t sure why she was trying, he hadn’t picked up the many times she had called him last night. To her surprise though, the phone only rang once before being answered. And to her complete astonishment, it was definitely not Bodhi who answered the phone.

“Goooood morning!” a voice said cherrily.

“Luke!? What the kriff are you doing answering Bodhi’s phone?”

“Uhhh...is this not my phone?”

“Nope. Definitely not.”

Jyn heard distant swearing on the line, as if the person holding the phone had taken it away from their mouth. And then she heard what was probably Bodhi’s new most embarrassing moment. 

_“Uhh...Bods...Bods. Bodhi! Wake up”_

_“Whaaaaat?”_ Jyn heard Bodhi yawn and speak in a distant voice _. “I told you after last night I wasn’t going to be able to function before eight. You wore me out. Though frankly, babe, after the first time around I can’t remember much else of what happened,”_

_“You might want to scale back the pillow talk there Bods...I..uhh...accidentally answered your phone this morning and it was Jyn. She’s still on the line…”_

Jyn heard an intensely vulgar stream of swearing that would’ve made Saw proud and then Bodhi came on the line.

“Jyn, darling!!! What does my favorite sister need so ridiculously early in the morning?”

“Nuh-uh, no way. I am not letting you sweet talk me on this one. What the hell is going on?”

“Nnnnothing.” Bodhi said innocently. “I just had some friends over and Luke was too tired to drive so, he stayed the night.”

“Bullshit. Seriously Bodhi, what’s going on?”

“Fine...uhh, we’re together.”

“Really?!” Jyn’s excitement for Bodhi momentarily overshadowed her depression about her own love life. “Since when?”

“Uhhhh…” Jyn could here the grimace in Bodhi’s voice as he spoke. “Umm...don’t kill me. But since New Year’s.”

“WHAT?!!?”

“Yeah, I know you and like everyone and their mom has been telling us to get together so when we finally did, we just weren’t sure we wanted to deal with all the ‘I told you so’ attitude we’d get.”

“So what was your grand plan, keep it a secret until your wedding day and just hope we’d all show up?”

“I dunno. We kept saying we were going to tell, it just wasn’t ever a good time. Anyway, you can kill me later. Why are you calling so early in the morning?”

Jyn’s stomach sank. All the panic and doubt of the night before came rushing back in. She couldn’t find the words to answer Bodhi.

“Does this phone call have anything to do with why your boy was here last night an utter wreck? Consequently, he also knows we’re together now, so I guess we’re going to have telling people”

“Cassian’s not my boy, Bodhi.”

“And yet he’s the first person you thought of when I said “your boy” Jyn.” said Bodhi pointedly.

“Fair point.” Jyn conceded. “ Ok, fine. Yes. It has to do with Cassian. We kissed and it was amazing and then Leia and Han interrupted and then I freaked out. He has no idea how I feel and I’m afraid now he hates me. I just freaked out when I heard them coming and I don’t even know what happened. I...I love him Bodhi. I don’t think I can stand to see him hate me.”

“First off, he doesn’t hate you Jyn. Trust me. And second, you should really just talk to him. He knows you. I mean granted, he was pretty cut up last night. But Cassian knows you Jyn. He’ll understand.”

“But what if, after last night, he realizes I’m just crazy and too much for him to handle.”

“Jyn. You punched the man. In the face. And he’s still stuck around. He knows what he’s getting into. He’s still pretty hurt though, you really need to talk to him,” Bodhi took a deep breath. “Look, on New Year's, I figured something out. Finally. I realized, that I could be unhappy just being Luke’s friend and wishing for more. Or I could take the plunge and either become ridiculously happy or be heartbroken but finally able to move on. But I couldn’t keep standing still anymore. You have to take the plunge, Jyn. Just talk to him.”

Jyn nodded. And then realizing that Bodhi wasn’t actually there to see her nodding she said. “Ok. Yeah, I’ll give him another call. But first food. I don’t think I’m up to any declarations of love on an empty stomach.”

“That’s the Jyn I know and love. But seriously, just talk to him, please?”

“I will,” said Jyn and she signed off.

 

///

 

Thankfully when she got off the call, the cafeteria had finally opened. She grabbed some food and found a secluded table as far from anyone else as possible. She was not in the mood to deal with other people. Breakfast was barely edible. Jyn was beginning to understand why Cassian refused to eat here. The food _was_ horrible. But the food served its purpose and gave Jyn new energy and determination. She was going to find Cassian and talk to him.

That was easier said than done though. He wasn’t in the 9 am class or in the grad lab when she stopped by after class. And he definitely didn’t come to the TA office for office hours. Whenever she wasn’t helping a student she tried calling him, but he never answered. She had no idea where he could be.

Jyn glanced at the clock. Assuming no one came in with a huge problem, she could leave when office hours ended in five minutes and if she skipped lunch and ran she would have just enough time to check if he was home and make it back for her next class. Jyn packed her bag and prayed no one came in looking for her. It was just Jyn’s luck though that someone had to walk in right before hours ended. But when she glanced up, it was not a student.

“Kay?!” Jyn was completely flabbergasted. Kay was the absolute last person she expected to see. “Uhhh...what are you doing here?”

Kay handed her a tupperware container of what looked like leftover Chinese food and said “You can thank me later.”

“Huh? I’m not following.” Jyn looked at Kay in complete bewilderment. 

“It’s Cassian’s lunch. I took it out of his bag this morning. He thinks he left it at home and that I’m going to bring it to him. But I’m not.”

“Clearly. But I’m still not following.” Jyn was far too sleep deprived to figure out what was going on right now.

Kay rolled his eyes and still somehow managed to make it look robotic. “Look, you are not my favorite human. But you are good for Cassian. You make him take care of himself better and you fulfill his emotional needs. So take him his lunch. He’s hiding  in Draven’s office. He’ll have to open the door if he wants to eat today.”

Understanding finally filled Jyn. She took the tupperware from Kay and then reached up and gave a hug. “Thank you, Kay.”

“Your behavior Jyn Erso, is continually surprising.”

 

///

 

Cassian answered on the first knock. “Thanks, Kay for bringing my lunc-” Cassian broke off when he saw that it wasn’t Kay at the door. A guarded look came over his face.

“Hey,” said Jyn. “Kay told me where to find you.”

“Clearly,” Cassian said coldly. “What do you want Jyn?”

“To bring you your lunch obviously.” she replied handing him the tupperware. “Well, and to talk to you about last night..”

“Look, it's fine if you regret kissing me. I get it. We don’t need to talk about it. We can just forget it ever happened. So thanks for my lunch, I’ll see you later.” Cassian made to close the door to the office, but Jyn stopped him. She took a deep breath and spoke.

“Cassian, that’s not even close to what I want. Just hear me out.” Jyn took a deep breath and steeled herself for what she was going to say next. Bodhi told her to take the plunge, so she did.

“I don’t regret kissing you Cassian. Not even a little bit. I just panicked when I heard Leia and Han coming and freaked out a little bit. I’m sorry. I’ve never been good at relationships. And...and I’ve never done this before.” Jyn spoke in a rush, the words tumbling over each other on their way out of her mouth. Her words weren’t eloquint, but she spoke from her heart. “I’ve never cared about someone the way I feel about you. Cassian...I love you.”

It was quiet for a moment. And Cassian stood there staring at her with a blank look on his face. Jyn could feel herself panicking again. He wasn’t reacting at all.

“Um...Cassian? You’re not saying anything. Cassian?” Jyn twisted her hands nervously, feeling the heat rise to her face. How could she have been so stupid? “Look, just forget everything I just said, we’ll just pretend it never happened. I’ll,uh, I’ll see you later.” She turned on her heel as fast as she could and nearly ran back down the hall. She thought she might’ve heard someone calling her name, but she didn’t turn around.

 

///

 

Jyn ran until she was out of the building and halfway across campus. She only stopped when she felt her eyes start to fill up with tears. Jyn took some deep breaths. She hadn’t cried in public since her parents died, and she refused to now. Her stomach grumbled and she glanced down at her phone. If she hurried, she would have enough time for food before her next class. But the thought of continuing on with the day felt insurmountable and overwhelming. All Jyn wanted to do was go home and hid under her covers until graduation. Instead, Jyn decided to see if the soft serve machine was working in the caf. It wasn’t as comforting as hiding in her bed, but it would have to do.

By the time Jyn had paid for her ice cream and found a seat though, it had pretty much turned into a unpalatable soup. She sighed as she stirred her spoon through the gloop. Maybe it was worth it to skip the rest of the day. Go home, order some take out, cry a lot.

Jyn had just decided to leave, when someone sat their tray down next to hers. Jyn looked up to shoot the offending individual a death glare, but stopped in surprise. It was Cassian.

“I don’t know why you eat here when there is a perfectly good Taco Bell in the student center,” he said. 

Jyn sighed. Her emotions felt worn and drawn out. She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could handle. “What do you want, Cassian?”

“You, obviously.”

Jyn's heart skipped a beat. “If you’re still joking, it’s not very funny.”

“I’m not joking, Jyn. I did not run after you to make jokes.”

“If you really want me, then why didn’t you say anything earlier?” Jyn could barely breath. She so desperately wanted to believe him.

“Honestly, because you talk really fast and I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and it took me a solid three minutes to process what you said. Draven had to push me to get me going. But anyway, it doesn’t matter.” Cassian seemed flustered and stumbled on his words as if he hadn’t quite thought out what he was saying. “Jyn, I just, if it's not too late...I need you to know. Look, I’m not good at this either and I’m sorry things are a mess and ugh, I'm not saying this right...” Cassian groaned and ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Huh? What?”

“Jyn, I am in this stupid caf, mind you a place I swore I would never eat at again since I was a freshman here, eating really, really, awful food, risking food poisoning, for you Jyn. Because I love you, and I’m sorry I’m an idiot and didn’t say anything earlier. If you’re mad at me for it, that’s fine, but please, I don’t want to pretend none of this happened and-”

Jyn's heart stopped altogether. He loved her. He _loved_ her. So she reached up and cut him off by kissing him softly on the cheek. “I love you too. And I don’t want to pretend none of this happened either.”

Cassian was visibly relieved. He gave Jyn a bright smile and took her hand in his and held it tight. “I’m glad, because I really was looking forward to kissing you some more.”

Jyn just laughed and elbowed Cassian.  A horrible realization hit her. “Wait, did you say Draven  heard?”

“Uh, yeah,” said Cassian sheepishly. “He said it was about time. And no making out during work hours.”

Jyn put her head in her hands and groaned. “This is so embarrassing. Did anyone else hear?”

“A couple other students…”

“Oh no,” Jyn looked pale. “Please tell me not Calrissian.”

Cassian gave Jyn a solemn look. “Well, actually…” he broke off and gave Jyn a mischievous grin. “No, not him.”

“You’re an ass, Cassian Andor!” Jyn punched him in the arm.

“Yeah, but you love me.”

“Yes,” Jyn replied. “Yes, I do. Still doesn’t mean you’re not an ass though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end folks! I ended up rewriting the ending a few times because it just wasn't going how I wanted it to. But I'm fairly happy with it now. Let me know what you think!


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